“I didn’t want to be gay,” the season 23 Bachelor, 29, reveals in the teaser, which debuted on Monday, November 29. “And the main voices in my head were just telling me, ‘You’ll get through this, you’ll get through this.’”
In the clip, the former NFL player says he “want[s] to be a man of faith,” but other people in his life are pushing him to break free from any preconceived notions he may have about himself.
“How am I supposed to be a football player and be gay?” the Indiana native asks at one point in the trailer.
Underwood admits that he “never thought he would come out” but he knew he had to deal with his demons.
“The reason I came out is because I’m ashamed, and I’m sort of mortified, of what got me to this position in the first place,” he tells the camera.
The reality star came out as gay in April during an appearance on Good Morning America, saying, “I’ve ran from myself for a long time. I’ve hated myself for a long time. … I’m gay and I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it. And the next step in all of this was sort of letting people know.”
After more than one year of dating, the two confirmed their split in May 2020. Randolph, 26, later accused Underwood of stalking and harassment. Us Weekly confirmed in September 2020 that the Huntington Beach native was granted a restraining order against her ex, which was dropped that November.
A source exclusively told Us in June that Randolph will “certainly not” be appearing on Underwood’s reality show.
However, in the trailer, The First Time: Finding Myself and Looking For Love on Reality TV author is told, “You want to sit down and apologize to make yourself feel better, [but] the best thing you can do is face up to what you’ve done — and find out who the hell you are.”
As a “gay in training,” the Bachelorette season 14 alum admits he is only now learning how to be himself with help from his family and friends such as Olympic skier Gus Kenworthy — and he thinks this six-episode reality show will give him a chance to do that.
“Everybody’s coming out stories are different,” Underwood says in the trailer. “And I’m grateful to be able to add my story to the conversation.”
Coming Out Colton starts streaming on Netflix Friday, December 3.