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‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Arya Faces Off With the Waif

Who are you? That was the question that just about everyone in Westeros had to answer this week on Game of Thrones, in an episode that was all about sussing out complicated questions of identity, loyalty and destiny. “No One” illuminated the true colors of everyone from Arya to the Hound to Jaime to poor Edmure Tully, sometimes with devastating results.

Maisie Williams
Maisie Williams

The Hound Finds a Pack

Last week, we saw Sandor “The Hound” Clegane (Rory McCann) picking up an ax with murderous intentions. And this week? Murders! The Hound got busy right away beheading, gutting, cleaving and castrating his way through a foursome of bros in the woods (and insulting the last guy, telling him, “You’re s–t at dying, y’know that?”). But his search for the men who killed his friends last week ended unexpectedly, when he found them already captured and about to be hanged by his old frenemy Beric Dondarrion (Richard Dormer). (Beric, you may recall, is also s–t at dying, in that he literally can’t do it.) And though there was still no love lost between the two men, Beric invited the Hound to join his party of traveling warriors. Last we saw, he was seriously considering it.

Related: PHOTOS: Game of Thrones Cast: What They Look Like Off Screen!

Daenerys Makes an Entrance

Meanwhile, in Mereen, the red priestesses were spreading the gospel of Daenerys Targaryen in accordance with a plan concocted by Tyrion (Peter Dinklage). Unfortunately, that was the only part of Tyrion’s plan that worked out as hoped, as a hundred angry slavers decided to welsh on their agreement and start firebombing the city — which was the exact moment that Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) arrived home on dragonback to find that Tyrion basically trashed the place while she was gone. Next week on Game of Thrones: AWKWARDNESS.

A Message From the King

If you had been wondering how dying and being brought back to life might have affected the Mountain’s fighting skills, here’s your answer! Or rather, there’s your answer [pointing at the guy lying in the castle courtyard with half his head ripped off]. Needless to say, Cersei’s (Lena Headey) chances of winning her trial by combat were looking pretty dang good — until King Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) royally screwed her by banning the practice outright. Now Cersei will have to sit in judgment before a bunch of unsympathetic lemon-faced septas, which means a guilty verdict is inevitable.

Related: PHOTOS: Game of Thrones Characters and Their Look-Alikes!

A Big Reunion for Brienne and Jaime

For the first time since season 4, Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) and Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) met at Riverrun, each loyal to a different woman, and each with a different objective. For Brienne, it was persuading the Blackfish to abandon the castle and march north to join Sansa’s war. For Jaime, it was retaking Riverrun and returning to his sister in King’s Landing. Alas, only one of them would succeed: The Blackfish turned Brienne down, while Jaime convinced Edmure Tully (Tobias Menzies) to switch sides by threatening to use Edmure’s son as a cannonball. And so, Edmure surrendered Riverrun to the Lannisters, while Brienne and Podrick (Daniel Portman) escaped in secret down the river. This has been your yearly reminder that Jaime Lannister, despite his pretty face and occasional dalliances with honor, is ultimately a savage who will happily murder small children in order to have sex with his sister. Sorry.

Related: PHOTOS: TV's Most Shocking Deaths: Major Onscreen Moments From Television Shows

Say My Name, Say My Name

Things were looking dire for Arya (Maisie Williams) after she was nearly gutted by the Waif (Faye Marsay) in last week’s episode — but luckily, her new friend Lady Crane (Essie Davis) was a moonlighting as a field surgeon as well as an actress. The woman lived just long enough to patch Arya up and give her a place to sleep before the Waif caught up with both of them, killing Lady Crane and chasing after Arya as she fled through the streets. But even bleeding and trapped, Arya’s answer to the God of Death was “Not today.” Cut to the House of Black and White, where Jaqen H’ghar (Tom Wlaschiha) found the Waif’s blood-drenched face newly added to his collection. And when he tried to congratulate Arya on officially becoming no one? Cue the mic drop:

“A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell,” she said, “and I am going home.”

Tell Us: What did you think of Arya’s big decision?

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