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Ronda Rousey Contemplated Suicide After Devastating Loss to Holly Holm

An emotional Ronda Rousey revealed to Ellen DeGeneres on Tuesday, February 16, that she contemplated suicide after her devastating UFC loss to Holly Holm

“It’s always crazy going into every fight. Always so much chaos, and so many things going on. Things weren’t perfect. They never are,” the athlete, 29, reflected to DeGeneres. “It was my third title fight in nine months, and I don’t think anyone has even attempted that before.”

Rousey was undefeated prior to that fateful UFC 193 match in Australia last November. “I got clipped in the first exchange, so I was knocked out on my feet like the first time I got hit,” Rousey recalled of the shocking loss. “It’s hard to really know what’s going on. In that first hit I cut up my whole mouth and I knocked my teeth loose. Guys fight for five five-minute rounds, they are teeing off each other’s faces the whole time and nothing like that happens. It’s just destiny, it had to go down that way.”

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Holly Holm of the United States punches Ronda Rousey of the United States in their UFC women's bantamweight championship bout during the UFC 193 event at Etihad Stadium on November 15, 2015 in Melbourne, Australia.
Holly Holm of the United States punches Ronda Rousey of the United States in their UFC women’s bantamweight championship bout during the UFC 193 event at Etihad Stadium on Nov. 15, 2015, in Melbourne, Australia.

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue cover girl got emotional as she recalled the sequence of events that followed her defeat, which left her contemplating suicide. “Honestly … I was, like, in the medical room, and I was down in the corner. I was sitting in the corner like, ‘What am I anymore if I’m not this?'” she shared through tears. “And I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself. In that exact second I’m like, ‘I’m nothing, what do I do anymore? And no one gives a s–t about me anymore without this.'”

Rousey credited her boyfriend, Travis Browne, for bringing her out of the darkness. “To be honest, I looked up and I saw my man — Travis was standing up there — and I looked up at him and I was like, ‘I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.’ Really that was it,” she revealed. “I haven’t told anybody that. I think I only told him that. But that was like what I was thinking. I was meant to have him when I was at my lowest. I don’t know if I would have made it without him.”

Related: 'Sports Illustrated Swimsuit' Issue 2016 Features Three Cover Models: Ronda Rousey, Ashley Graham and Hailey Clauson

Now Rousey is better and stronger than ever. “I did a lot of thinking, and I was like, ‘Why did this happen?'” she recalled on Tuesday on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. “I do believe all the best things come from the worst things. Every worst thing that happened in my life resulted in the absolute best things, and I tried to think, ‘What is the reason of all this?’ And I’m thinking what my actual purpose is, and maybe just winning all the time isn’t what’s best for everybody. … Everyone has their moment of picking themselves off the floor. I’d gone through several of mine, but no one had actually seen me go through it. And maybe I just had to be that example of picking myself off the floor for everyone. Maybe that’s what I’m meant for.”

Ronda Rousey and Ellen DeGeneres
Ronda Rousey and Ellen DeGeneres

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As UFC president Dana White confirmed in December, Rousey will eventually get a rematch against Holm. Rousey has now redefined the idea of being undefeated. “I really do believe I’m still undefeated because being defeated is a choice,” she concluded on Ellen. “Everybody has losses in their life, but I choose to always be undefeated.”

Watch the video above.

If you or someone you know is struggling, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

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