The “Since U Been Gone” singer, 41, recalled a difficult therapy session that made her address her mental health.
“I looked at my therapist and I just couldn’t stop sobbing, and I was like, ‘I actually had to cancel some of the other day because I couldn’t stop crying. I cannot do this,'” Clarkson shared on the Wednesday, June 28, episode of the “Las Culturistas” podcast. “And it was one of those things where I really had to put my pride aside and like all my childhood issues of whatever.”
Clarkson credited the medication for allowing her to get through the initial months after her split from Blackstock, 46. “I was on Lexapro for like, I think two months,” she shared. “My thing was, I just can’t smile anymore for America right now. I’m not happy and I need help … and it was honest to God, the greatest decision ever. I wouldn’t have made it [without it].”
The decision came after Clarkson previously swore off the idea of antidepressants. “I have been so against it. Just from things I saw in my childhood. I was so against any kind of foreign medication. I was like, ‘No, there’s got to be a better way of talking to someone and figuring this out. I don’t want to numb myself,'” she explained. “Then when my divorce was happening — I feel like it lasted forever — I [talked to my therapist about it].”
The former couple tied the knot in 2013 after one year of dating. They went on to expand their family with kids River Rose, 8, and Remington Alexander, 7, before calling it quits following nearly seven years of marriage in 2020. (Blackstock, for his part, also shares two older children from his previous marriage to Melissa Ashworth.)
Amid their divorce, Clarkson and Blackstock continued to make headlines for their lengthy legal battle. The Kelly Clarkson Show host, who was declared legally single in September 2021 amid the divorce proceedings, was ordered to pay Blackstock nearly $200,000 per month, including temporary payments of $150,000 each month in spousal support. In addition to paying an extra $45,601 per month for their children, the “Stronger” singer was granted primary custody.
The American Idol alum has since offered rare glimpses into her divorce through her album Chemistry, which dropped on June 23. Ahead of the project’s release, Clarkson noted that fans shouldn’t expect to hear the whole story after she cut some songs for being “too truth-telling” about her personal life.
“I know people will hear this record and be like, ‘Oh, damn, she went there!’ and I’m like, ‘No, I promise you I didn’t,'” she told Entertainment Weekly in May. “I love that territory. I love hearing something kind of poppy and then it being either angry or super sad. I also have to use humor as a healing mechanism, a coping mechanism. I do that all the time. So, I was writing a love song and I was just angry. I was like, ‘God, why are you still so into something that was so bad?'”
Clarkson admitted that she previously struggled with publicly addressing her personal ups and downs.
“The emotions kind of murdered me,” she said about practicing tracks on stage. “It was pretty flawless and easy and great. I was almost proud of myself. And then all of a sudden it was just like a wave washed over me.”
Earlier this month, Clarkson also revealed that she reached out to Blackstock about her highly anticipated album. “I don’t even remember why or how it happened, but I was like, ‘Hey, I didn’t just diminish us down to one [thing],'” she explained on the Today show. “You know what I’m saying? It’s all in there, the ride. The beauty is in there, as well. Now there’s a lot of pain, but that’s what happens for all of us.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).