“I wish I could say the last night that I ever touched heroin was the night of my overdose but it wasn’t,” the two-time Grammy nominee, 28, said. Lovato, who first sought treatment in 2010, revealed in June 2018 that after six years of sobriety, she relapsed.
In the YouTube documentary, the actress revealed she called back the same dealer who gave her heroin laced with fentanyl that led to her July 2018 near-fatal overdose. That dealer, she alleged in the doc, also sexually violated her.
“I didn’t just overdose, I also was taken advantage of,” the New Mexico native explained. “When they found me, I was naked, I was blue. I was literally left for dead after he took advantage of me, and when I woke up in the hospital, they asked if I had consensual sex. There was one flash that I had of him on top of me. I saw that flash, and I said yes. It actually wasn’t until maybe a month after my overdose that I realized, ‘Hey, you weren’t in any state of mind to make a consensual decision.'”
When the “Alone” singer called him back, it was her attempt at taking control of the situation. “I had just done a weeklong intensive trauma retreat. The night that I came back from that retreat, I called him. I wanted to rewrite his choice of violating me. I wanted it now to be my choice,” she said. “I called him back and said, ‘No, I’m gonna f–k you.’ It didn’t fix anything. It didn’t take anything way. It made me feel worse. That, for some reason, was my way of taking the power back. All it did was bring me back to my knees, begging God for help.”
Lovato added, “I ended up getting high. I thought, how did I pick up the same drugs that put me in the hospital? I was, like, mortified at my decisions.”
In March 2019, the “Sorry Not Sorry” songstress marked what would have been her seven-year sober anniversary.
“Today I would’ve had 7 years sober. I don’t regret going out because I needed to make those mistakes but I must never forget that’s exactly what they were: mistakes,” Lovato wrote at the time via Instagram. “Grateful that AA/NA never shuts the door on you no matter how many times you have to start over. I didn’t lose 6 years, I’ll always have that experience but now I just get to add to that time with a new journey and time count.”
Demi Lovato: Dancing With the Devil premieres on YouTube Tuesday, March 23.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).