“You know, going through a stillbirth at 38 weeks is very traumatic. I know in most of my Instagram posts I look always happy and everything is great — but at the end of the day it’s still a trauma that I’m dealing with every day,” the former Selling Sunset star, 40, exclusively told Us Weekly on Thursday, July 21, at LPM Restaurant & Bar in Miami, Florida.
Vander, who shares son Aiden, 3, and daughter Elle, 2, with husband David Miller, has found a special way to honor her baby boy that was delivered as a stillbirth late last year. “My necklace stands for Mason Miller. It’s my son. And you know, pregnancy loss at 10 weeks is also no fun,” she explained, referring to her June miscarriage. “So I want to take a break, although I cannot take a long break because I’m 40 and I still have to decide what I want to do. I still have that void that I just can’t let go, unfortunately.”
The former reality star noted that she feels very fortunate to have her family, adding, “I’m lucky with my children. I’m very thankful. But I still buried a baby and it’s still very tough for me. The hardest thing is to just say I’m done. I’m still missing that third child and I think unless you’re going through this, it’s hard for people to understand completely.”
Amid potential plans to try for another child in the future, Vander admitted that she wasn’t considering surrogacy as an option.
“Sometimes deep inside me. I’m like, ‘I wish I could just go through surrogate because emotionally can I really do it?'” she told Us. “That being said, I’m very fertile and thankfully I’m lucky in that sense that I can get pregnant easily. So not going to any route. If I’m not going to get pregnant naturally, I’m probably going to just let go. But I’m going to try in probably in a few months.”
The Israel native also discussed the steps she has taken to deal with the emotional toll following her pregnancy loss and stillbirth. “I’ve been going to a personal grief therapist. She’s amazing and it’s very helpful. I’ve been doing group grief therapy,” Vander detailed. “I think honestly, staying busy with work is very helpful. My children, my son and daughter, they’re amazing. They’re really great kids. And my husband is so supportive. So I just have a very good support system that just keeps me going.”
For the Netflix personality, getting to focus on The Maya Vander Group has allowed her to stay busy amid the ups and downs.
“So I joined Compass in Florida. It’s a great brand [and] great company. I have my team. My group is three girls with me,” she explained to Us. “They’re all working really hard and it’s hard for me to just do my own business on my own. I need to be mindful of my time as well. So that’s very helpful to have my own group. But I’m just taking it one step at a time, working on my brand [now that] I am in Miami full-time.”
Vander added: “I really want to get more luxury listings here and buyers. It’s a process. Real estate looks so easy on Selling Sunset, but when you come to a new city you start from scratch. So I have to start from scratch even with the show.”
With reporting by Diana Cooper