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Chrissy Teigen Says She Hasn’t ‘Fully Processed’ Her 2020 Pregnancy Loss

Nearly one year after suffering a pregnancy loss, Chrissy Teigen looked back on the experience.

Related: Chrissy Teigen Faces Bullying Accusations: A Timeline of Her Controversy

“Just reminiscing about New York a lot lately, when things were simple, thinking about all the stuff I’ve done and been through not just this year but in my life,” the cookbook author, 35, told her Instagram followers on Sunday, August 22. “I’m slightly down lately. It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out ‘my third baby is here!!’ as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here. Then I realized I threw myself into the book, [Cravings: All Together], to not think of the real, actual third baby.”

Chrissy Teigen Explains Why Hasn’t Fully Processed 2020 Miscarriage White Dress Jacket
Chrissy Teigen John Salangsang/Shutterstock

The Utah native explained that she has not ”fully processed” the loss of her baby Jack, adding, “Now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just … there, waiting to be acknowledged. I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f–ing complicated. And get the lasagna??? Wow this was a rollercoaster!!!!!”

Related: Chrissy Teigen, John Legend's Family Album: Sweetest Moments With Luna and Miles

The Lip Sync Battle cohost, who is also the mother of daughter Luna, 5, and son Miles, 3, first cut back on her drinking in August 2017. Three years later, the Deal or No Deal alum revealed that she is sober.

Chrissy Teigen Explains Why Hasn’t Fully Processed 2020 Miscarriage 2 John Legend Dinner
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend Courtesy of Chrissy Teigen/Instagram

“One month ago, on my birthday, I got this book from my doctor and friend,” she wrote of Holly Whitaker’s Quit Like a Woman in December 2020. “I was done with making an ass of myself in front of people (I’m still embarrassed), tired of day drinking and feeling like shit by six, not being able to sleep. I have been sober ever since. And even if you can’t see yourself doing or just plain don’t want to, it’s still an incredible read.”

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model experienced her pregnancy loss three months ahead of her announcement. She has continued to share her grieving process since the September 2020 miscarriage.

“I am in a very dark bubble and incapable of expressing what is happening and doing the best I can,” she tweeted in November 2020. “I feel broken.”

John Legend, 42, called Teigen “courageous” that same month. “We’ve been through so many challenges together and they’ve made her stronger, and I know that doesn’t always happen when people go through tragedy,” the EGOT winner told Good Morning America at the time. “But I feel like the challenges we face together have made us feel even more sure about who we are together as a couple, and who we are as a family.”

Related: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend's Epic Romance: A Timeline

In May, Teigen came under fire when Courtney Stodden accused the Chrissy’s Court star of bullying them in the past. The Bring the Funny judge has since issued many lengthy apologies via social media, calling the scandal “humbling.”

“I won’t ask for your forgiveness, only your patience and tolerance,” she wrote in a June Medium essay. “I ask that you allow me, as I promise to allow you, to own past mistakes and be given the opportunity to seek self-improvement and change.”

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